The Ad-Man’s Desk Book

A few pages from this extraordinary book.

Facts, Figures, Data, Tables, Dimensions, Costs, etc. that are Constantly Needed by all Practical Advertising Men.

One of the interior spreads.

One of the interior spreads.

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SO war das.

Franz Bielmeier hat eine Rezension meines Rattinger Hoff-Comics geschrieben.

© Ralf Zeigermann

© Ralf Zeigermann

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James Joyce’s Ulysses, the Variorum Edition

There’s a new and free e-book out, bundling 5 editions of Ulysses:

Shakespeare & Co., Paris 1922.
[source: the facsimile of the 2002 Dover edition]

The Odyssey Press, Hamburg, Paris, Bologna 1939 (4th impression)
revised by Stuart Gilbert

Random House, New York 1961
corrected and reset
[source: the 1961 Vintage Books paperback reprint]

Garland Publishing, Inc., New York & London 1984
A Critical and Synoptic Edition, prepared by Hans Walter Gabler with Wolfhard Steppe and Claus Melchior

THE LAST:, 2000
by Jorn Barger

Available in the epub format here.

Update (from Tim Finnegan in the comments):
“I chose Barger’s for my new hypermedia edition, currently progressing through episode 9, with songs and podcasts and audiobooks and old pictures and autographs and ebook-links, etc: “

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My comic book “Rattinger Hoff” is out and can be ordered here.

Rattinger Hoff

Eine Kiste voll Rattinger Hoff

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Things I’ve highlighted on my kindle. [3]

The Pig-tail Murder (Bello) (Durbridge, Francis)
– Your Highlight Location 189-190 | Added on Monday, 17 February 14 12:41:05

The opalescent red Mercedes 250 SE swirled neatly round Sloane Square and took its place in the single line of traffic moving westwards along the King’s Road in Chelsea. At the wheel Mike Hilton tried to master his feeling of impatience.


The Pig-tail Murder (Bello) (Durbridge, Francis)
– Your Highlight Location 214-215 | Added on Monday, 17 February 14 12:46:05

She was a little on the portly side but that did not prevent her from wearing a pair of extremely close fitting scarlet stretch-pants. Over her king-size posterior the stretch was extended to its utmost.


Rick O’Downe and the Topographic Dream (Basgurboga, Paul)
– Your Highlight Location 572-574 | Added on Wednesday, 19 February 14 12:11:15

When he saw a man pissing on Regents Street in 1930’s London, J.B. Priestley asked himself, “is this the end of civilization as we know it, or is this a man pissing on Regents Street?” That he decided on the latter is a pre-emptive rebuke to any demi-god reading this narrative.


Rick O’Downe and the Topographic Dream (Basgurboga, Paul)
– Your Highlight Location 1560-1599 | Added on Saturday, 22 February 14 13:13:23

What a pompous, plagiarizing, pretentious dickhead. What an abbreviated piece of nothing. What an a-hole, airhead, anal retentive, anorak, antwacky, arsehole, arsewipe, as much use as a chocolate fireguard, as much use as a chocolate teapot, as much use as a handbrake on a canoe, an ass, an ass-can, an ass clown, ass-end of space, ass face, ass fook, asshole, ass monkey, ass munch, ass up, ass-wipe, bad-ass, badussy, bagger, bamma, barf, bastard, beast, billy, bint, bitch, bitch ass, bizatch, biznatch, bizo, bizzo, bloatware, bludger, bluehair, bobo, bogus, bollock, bollocks, bollockbrain, bollockcock, bonehead, booey, boojee, boondocks, boot-leg, bottom feeder, bourgee, box of rocks, bozo, brainiac, buckshot, budissy, buff, buffoon, bugaboo, bugger, bugly, bum, Bumblefook, bumfook, bushpig, busted-ass, butt, butter face, butterhead, butters, Butt-fook, butt-head, butt munch, butt plug, butt ugly, camper, candy-ass, Captain Whiskey Dick, cathouse, chach, chank, cheese nug, chicken, chicken head, chicken hoe, chicken-shit, chincy, choad, chochie, chode, chode monster, chooch, choot, chowder head, chronic lag, chucklehead, chump, cock, cock knocker, cock-roach, cocksucker, codger, cooter, Willeyo, crackass, crack baby, crack head, craptain, crapper, craptasm, cray-cray, crazy, creep, creeper, cretin, Criminole, crockadillapig, cronk, crumb bum, crummer, crunchy, crunk, cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, cum dumpster, cunt, cuntosaurus, cuntsicle, date, d-bag, dead rubber, Debbie Downer, derf, desk monkey, devil, dick, dick face, dick lick, dick smack, dick wad, dill hole, dill weed, dim, dimp, dimwit, ding-a-ling, dingbat, ding-head, dingus, dink, dipshit, dipstick, ditz, div, dodgy, doe, dog, doink ,dolt ,do my head, dong, doofus, doorknocker, dope, doper, dork, dork breath, dork slap, dosser, do the pooch, double-bagger, double R, doubly purdy, douche, douche b, douche bag, douche nozzle, doucher, drag, drainer, drongo, dropkick, druggie, duck, Dullsville, dumb-ass, dumb-head, dump, dump truck, durge, dweeb, East Bumblefook, East Butt-fook, East Nowhere, eat a bitch, eat a dick, eat it, eat me, eat my shorts, eat shit, eat shit and die, eejit, egghead, e-tard, e-tarded, fail, fake, false, fanny, farging icehole, fart, fart face, fartknocker, fart-knocker, fecker, fidiot, fish, flid, fluck a duck, focker, fool, freak, fruitcake, fubugly, fuck, fuck-bitch, fuckbunny, fucked up, fucker, fuckhead, fuck nut, fucksqueek, fuck stick, fucktard, fuck up, fuckward, fuckwit, fug, fugly, funk, funky monkey, gang banger, garden tool, geek, geek monster, get bent, get to fuck, git, gobshite, gomer, goober, goon, gotard, granola, griefer, grit, gritter, grizzly chicken, grody, grommet, gronk, grub, grundies, gump ,gutter punk, hack, hairbag, half-ass, has-been, hater, hayseed, headcase, herb, hick, hillbilly, himbo, hodger, hogley, hole digger, Homer, ho-nasty, hooch ,hoochie ,hood, hoopdee, hoover, horse shit, hose beast, hoser, hoss, hotbox, hugly, hump, ID10T, idjet, ijit, insane in the membrane, jabroni, jabronie, jack, jackass, jack hole, jackwagon, jecka, jerk, jerk-ass, jerk-face, jerk-nut, jerkwad, jobber, John, jork, jumpoff, jump the shark, junkie, kife, knob, knobhead, knuckle dragger, knucklehead, knuckle-nuts, kook, kutta, lame-ass, lame-o, lame sauce, larry, lazy dog, leebo, lemon, lencho, like ass, limp dick, llama, looper, lunkhead, mack daddy, madcap, mad hatter, mad whack, mafugly, mahfugly, mank, manster, manwhore, melon, Melv, Melvin, mimbo, monster, moron, mothafooker, mother trucker, mouth breather, mud duck, mudpout, mulehead, mushroom, nappy, nasty, nerd, nerdgasm, newb, newbie, nincompoop, nitwit, noid, numb nut, numb-nuts, nummah, numptie, nut, nut job, nutter, nuttso, old fart, out of hand, out to lunch, over the hill, oxygen thief, pants, pap, paper bag trick, pay lay, Pebbles, pencildick, penis-face, perma-fried, perp, perv, perve, Peter, pid, piece, piece of shit, pieon, pig, pigeon, PIK, piker, pill, pimp, pinhead, pish, piss, piss-ant, pisshead, plonker, Poindexter, poon, poophead, poop on you, poo-poo on you, popper, pop slag, pound sand, prannock, propellerhead, prostitot, psycho, psycho-bitch, puck bunny, pud-whack, pud whacker, pug fugly, puke, pukoid, punk, pussy ,pussy-hole, putz, quack, quart, Quayle, queef, ram, rassclat, rat, redneck, reechy, reject, re-re, retaardvark, retard, rim, ripper, robot, r-tard, rubbish, rug-rat, sack of shit, saddo, Sally, salty, santorum, sausage, sausage jockey, scag, schlong, schmuck, screwy, scrote, scud, scum, scumbag, scum-bucket, scum of the earth, sea donkey, seven thirty, shawty, sheep, sheisty, sherlock, shit, shit-bag, shit fooker, shit stirrer, shmuck, shorty, shovel-face, skank, skeeve, sketell, skid, sko, slack-jaw, slack-jawed lackey, slag, slitch, slob, slore, slub, slump buster, slunt, slut, smacktard , snitch, so-and-so, sod, son of a bum, son of a gun, son of a bitch, sorostitute, spaz, sped, spich, spork, square, stank, stinkie cheese, stoner, stooge, stupid, suck, sucker, suck dick, suck a bag of dicks, suck a fat baby’s dick, swamp donkey, swede, tard, tart, tart monkey, tattle tail, tea bag, technotard, terribad, thanks for nothing, thug, toc, toe, toe up, toilet, toker, tool, tosser, train wreck, tramp, trash, trench coat, troglodyte, troll, twat, tweaker, twinkie, twit ,two-bagger, two-bit, vag, varmint, viper, wain, wally, wank, wanker, wankstain, wanker town, wanksta, wassock, waste, wastoid, wazzock, weenie, weirdo, welch, wet, whackhead, whack job, whatever ,whipper-snapper, white bread, white trash, whore, whorehouse, whoremonkey, wideo, window licker, wise guy, woofer, wuppie, wuss, wuzzer, a yuck and a zan. I think that just about covers it.


The Death Ship (B. TRAVEN)
– Your Highlight on Page 127 | Location 1938-1939 | Added on Tuesday, 18 March 14 13:19:41

Rich experience has taught me that whenever somebody says: “Just follow me,” or: “Come along,” it means always: “We shall take good care of you, and keep you here for quite a while. Take it easy and don’t resist.”


The Death Ship (B. TRAVEN)
– Your Highlight on Page 128 | Location 1955-1957 | Added on Tuesday, 18 March 14 13:21:09

Once when I was alone in his cabin I had a look at his library. There were only four or five books of such trash as detective or mystery stories. The rest of his books were so carefully selected that ever afterwards I wondered how that man came to be the skipper of a tramp.


Gestatten, mein Name ist Cox: Ein Spaßvogel im Kampf mit der Unterwelt (German Edition) (Becker, Rolf A.)
– Your Highlight Location 1663-1663 | Added on Friday, 28 March 14 23:29:58

Und da war es wieder! Das Glühen in ihren Augen, das hintergründige Lächeln und das sanfte Wippen ihrer Knie.


Gestatten, mein Name ist Cox: Ein Spaßvogel im Kampf mit der Unterwelt (German Edition) (Becker, Rolf A.)
– Your Highlight Location 1672-1674 | Added on Friday, 28 March 14 23:31:07

Sie lachte wieder und zeigte dabei eine Reihe Zähne, die der teuerste Zahntechniker nicht besser anfertigen könnte. Die Frau war wirklich Klasse.


I Murdered My Library (Grant, Linda)
– Your Highlight at location 41-42 | Added on Saturday, 31 May 2014 20:24:52

Here is Proust. Here is Jean Rhys. Here is Milton. Here isn’t Henry James, because I have never been able to remember the beginning of his sentences by the time I get to the end.


I Murdered My Library (Grant, Linda)
– Your Highlight at location 306-308 | Added on Sunday, 1 June 2014 12:22:03

As I began to buy more ebooks, I felt a sense of surprise and delight and wonder that I could carry around a library in my pocket. It is a library, arranged alphabetically or, if I like, in order of buying, and nothing shelved in the wrong place. The relationship with my library on a Kindle feels more intimate, like a shelled animal carrying its home on its back. Wherever I am, there is always something to read.


Schlump (German Edition) (Grimm, Hans Herbert)
– Your Highlight on page 156 | location 2390-2391 | Added on Wednesday, 4 June 2014 20:45:22

Schabkow hatte unglaubliches Glück bei den Weibern, obwohl er häßlich war wie eine Kröte.

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Nebenbei bemerkt.

Meine Bücher Das Ratinger Hof Buch und Die Werkzeuge des Graphikers sind immer noch direkt vom Robert Wiegner Verlag zu beziehen oder in jeder Buchhandlung bestellbar. Und die Antarktisexpedition gibt es auch noch bei Amazon.

Ich schreibe das deshalb, weil irgendwelche Spinner die beim Wiegner Verlag veröffentlichten Bücher zu weitaus überhöhten Preisen bei Amazon anbieten. Dabei war ich immer der Meinung, in Deutschland gäbe es bei lieferbaren Büchern so etwas wie Buchpreisbindung. Seltsam.

Also: Robert Wiegner Verlag.


Das Ratinger-Hof-Buch in der Blechkiste.

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Reading Material.

Recently two e-books came to my attention, both self-published by the authors and both an excellent read. The fact they’re self-published throws a rather interesting light on our publishers – in Paul’s case I know he tried to get a publisher but can’t even get past the agents. So no wonder more and more (good) authors have decided to go the Amazon, Lulu and whatnot route getting their texts into the open. Right, let’s start and bear in mind that I’m crap when it comes to writing book reviews.

Paul Basgurboga, Rick O’Downe and the Topographic Dream
Kindle Edition, £1.86

Rick O'Downe Cover

Rick O’Downe is a unemployed chemist from Salford, Lancashire, who likes a drink and a smoke – you got a problem with that? Good. Next, Rick has three major obsessions in life and he don’t care who knows it, does he?

The first is access to his nine year-old lad Jody, who’s been deliberately whisked 10,000 miles away to New Zealand by his ex-wife – that is, his bitter and twisted ex-wife – Petra.

The second is his erstwhile laboratory colleague, Professor Garth Willey, now a highly successful (or highly lucky) TV Science Presenter and Petra’s former lover, who has just announced that’s he’s shooting a new BBC series in…New Zealand. The third – his rock music heroes Yes, whose obscure and mystical (or completely nutty and nonsensical) lyrics seem to act as Rick’s sole guiding philosophy through the complexities of life and love. But are they also a spur to kidnapping, murder and Pilotage of a Marine Vessel Without Consent?

Set in that part of New Zealand’s Middle Earth that the Hobbit wouldn’t touch with a barge-pole, Rick O’Downe and the Topographic Dream is a tale of Class, Revenge, Progressive Rock and Regressive Behaviour.

Paul’s book is amazing. There are at least three story threads woven into the book – the main narrative, an autobiography and e-mail conversations. And newspaper clippings. And streams of consciousness. And rock lyrics. And it’s extremely funny.

The book is a fabulous mixture of James Joyce, Flann o’Brien and Paul Basgurboga. Heartily recommended. Buy it.


Glenn Campbell, Limbo: A Novel
Kindle Edition, £2.50

Limbo Cover

A man without a name, without a past, without any specific memories to trouble him, finds himself living on a tropical beach with a beautiful woman. Is this Earth or someplace else? He can’t be sure. He doesn’t even know whether this place is real. All he knows is he wants out.

The monotony of Paradise is relieved only by the experiments. Every day he reports for duty in some kind of underground laboratory. Every day he is the subject of bizarre tests, arranged by experimenters he cannot see. Someone is probing him, provoking him, pushing into a series of events he doesn’t understand.

Every evening, he returns home to the beach, to the perfect little bungalow on the shore where the woman cooks him dinner and cares for all his physical needs. Who is this lady? Some sort of actress? And how could she be so perfect? Not a blemish on her skin!

He is a lab rat, and he knows it, but this is not a painful life. He could get used to it if time only gave him the chance. This world—whatever it is, wherever it is—is disintegrating. The beach is getting smaller. It is being riddled with bizarre defects. Whatever force is maintaining this place is losing its power.

In the early nineties Glenn Campbell used to live in Rachel, Nevada, where he published the Area 51 newsletter The Groom Lake Desert Rat, a humorous approach to the bizarre ongoings of the secret USAF base. Since 2000 he’s travelling all over the world, publishing books and appearing on TV from time to time.

Limbo is a fascinating story. Starting off like Patrick McGoohan’s The Prisoner, it becomes more and more surreal and finally comes down to Earth – more or less. Who is the man, being kept prisoner on a beautiful beach? Who is the woman that lives with him? A robot? Is the beach actually on Earth? Who are the strange doctors and scientists conducting bizarre tests on him?

Again, recommended reading. Buy.

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A book by Julius Nelson from 1939, over at loriemerson with a download link.
Via monoskop.

And then what follows is an incredible series of sections that teach anyone from the novice to the expert typist how to create a border, cut-outs, lettering, cross-stitch patterns, and even letterhead. The booklet ends with the exhortation that “like stamp collecting, ‘art typing’ may easily turn into a profitable hobby.”

Artyping. From

Artyping. From

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Things I’ve highlighted on my kindle. [2]

The Victorian City: Everyday Life in Dickens’ London (Flanders, Judith)
– Your Highlight Location 6174-6175 | Added on Thursday, 21 November 13 08:00:14

What struck most people on seeing London for the first – or the thousandth – time was its vastness, its unknowability, not merely in terms of its streets and buildings, but in terms of its people.


The Journal of a Disappointed Man (Barbellion, Wilhelm Nero Pilate)
– Your Highlight on Page 9 | Location 59-60 | Added on Thursday, 21 November 13 12:44:34

January 3. Am writing an essay on the life-history of insects and have abandoned the idea of writing on “How Cats Spend their Time.”


London and Londoners in the 1850s & 1860s (Victorian London Ebooks) (Bennett, Alfred Rosling)
– Your Highlight Location 424-427 | Added on Thursday, 28 November 13 12:35:27

In the late sixties the leathern pot-hat of the Dowler police was replaced by the familiar classic helmet of to-day. Not long afterwards I met a son of the hatter who for many years had held the contract for the supply of “toppers” to the force. His soul was sad. He said that the old tall hat as made by his father would turn or withstand the heaviest blow, whereas the new-fangled helmet was easily bulged in – and England, he feared, was going to Fra Diavolo, and that at top-knot speed.


The Gamblers (Pearson, John)
– Your Highlight Location 1499-1502 | Added on Saturday, 14 December 13 03:47:43

Whatever exclusivity the food at Annabel’s possessed came from its being very good, and terribly expensive. Someone once complained to Birley that he could eat cheaper at the Ritz. ‘Go there then,’ was his reply.


The Gamblers (Pearson, John)
– Your Highlight Location 1520-1523 | Added on Saturday, 14 December 13 03:50:53

In his determination to preserve the club’s exclusivity, Birley insisted that every male guest wore a dark suit and a tie. He permitted absolutely no exceptions, and over the years the list of Annabel’s distinguished refusés included Eric Clapton, George Harrison and Prince Andrew (who arrived in jeans). Politely but firmly the doorman turned all of them away.


Londoners: The Days and Nights of London as Told by Those Who Love It, Hate It, Live It, Long for It, Have Left It and Everything Inbetween (Taylor, Craig)
– Your Highlight on Page 64 | Location 1032-1035 | Added on Friday, 3 January 14 12:26:17

One of the great things about London is detail. If you go round the back of Baker Street station, the road by the Planetarium, there’s a block of flats from the 1930s or whatever. If you look at the top of that, there’s a whole set of train parts stuck in the building. Genuine train parts – the buffers and couplings and stuff like that. I think this is what John Betjeman’s about in many ways.


Londoners: The Days and Nights of London as Told by Those Who Love It, Hate It, Live It, Long for It, Have Left It and Everything Inbetween (Taylor, Craig)
– Your Highlight on Page 279 | Location 3853-3856 | Added on Monday, 6 January 14 11:34:48

The City life came to an end, I think, when it became an American environment. The City changed in the Eighties and Nineties to a new type of work regime where people didn’t lunch any more, you worked through your lunch, you worked at your desk. It was a sandwich culture. The English sort of London-type living, boozy lunches, that had gone out the window. That killed the character, the culture and the framework of what it was all about for me, and I got disillusioned with it. I was still looking for new fashions.


Londoners: The Days and Nights of London as Told by Those Who Love It, Hate It, Live It, Long for It, Have Left It and Everything Inbetween (Taylor, Craig)
– Your Highlight on Page 347 | Location 4741-4748 | Added on Wednesday, 8 January 14 03:31:48

RANGA: There’s a story about a senior member of the Bar, a Silk, who went off one day and his wife just thought she’d surprise him and had his wig cleaned and refurbished. He said, it took me twenty years to get my wig looking like that!
GUPTA: There’s a guy in Chambers who is what they call the Old Bar. He’s about thirty years called, or I think forty years called, anyway his wig is just in bits, it’s yellow, it’s misshapen, and the back of the wig, the thing they call the rat’s tail, one side of it’s completely severed, so it hangs down there. He didn’t take Silk, so his gown is in tatters. There’s rips through it and it’s in a total and utter state. I was against him once and he just looked amazing. I thought, shit. I saw him wearing this and I put on my new gown, my new wig and I just thought …
OBIRI: I smell his newness.

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Happy Birthday.

© Ralf Zeigermann

© Ralf Zeigermann

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