As you may well know, the British have a unique sense of humour and sometimes, if not most of the times, you need to interpret what they’re saying to you. Here, for example, is an Anglo-EU translation guide:
Since the Olympics I’m getting all those weird updates from Transport for London on a daily basis, all of them very well written and all of them saying more or less the same. Here’s a recent one:
Now let me translate this to you according to the above translation guide above:
Dear Mr Zeigermann,
Do not use public transport on Saturday, 4 August.
Thanks for not using our crappy public transport during the day, especially the Central Line, which was suspended only three times this week. London has to offer the usual exciting things as always, but please stay away. Don’t even bother trying to get onto the tube. Now get the hell out of London immediately. Live sites are everywhere, do not use any of our Underground Stations, they’re crowded with tourists, soldiers, policemen and security guards. Just go away. Also, you won’t be able to get tickets to the Olympics because they’re all sold out. We wouldn’t want you anyway. Just go away, leave the country, please, thank you, now there’s a good boy.
I look forward to finding more of their fabulous updates in my inbox.